ISD AND RELATIONSHIPS: HOMOSEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS – LESBIAN COUPLES

Lesbian women in intimate relationships tend to be less sexually active than either gay male or heterosexual couples, which has more to do with their socialization as women than with their lesbianism.

Women are socialized to avoid, smooth over, and deny conflict. Until relatively recently, women have been taught that sexual desire and sex itself were more important to men than to women. Regardless of your sexual orientation, if any aspect of your sex life provokes anxiety or appears to have the potential to cause conflict, your first inclination may be to circumvent the problem by avoiding sex, suppressing sexual urges that you have consciously or subconsciously labeled dangerous because they might lead to humiliation or conflict. Logically, if both partners in a relationship, being women, have been “trained” to take this approach, sexual avoidance and ISD are more likely to occur.

Because traumatic past sexual experiences are twice as common in women as in men, they are more often a major barrier to sexual adjustment in women. As mentioned earlier, one in four adult women experienced sexual abuse during childhood and too many others have been raped, have encountered sexual harassment at work, or have had anxiety-provoking early sexual experiences. Thus, when two women embark upon an intimate relationship, one or sometimes both partners may bring this sort of unfinished business with them.

Then there is the fact that you, like many other women, may have learned only one reason to be sexual—to achieve intimacy. The romance and excitement of a newly developing relationship may activate or spark your sexual desire. However, after this initial stage, your basic intimacy needs may be met by the increased closeness or emotional sharing of the longer-term relationship. Thus, sex drive and sexual activity in general may decrease as your intimacy needs are being met through the overall relationship, rather than through sex alone.

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ISD AND RELATIONSHIPS: HOMOSEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS – LESBIAN COUPLESLesbian women in intimate relationships tend to be less sexually active than either gay male or heterosexual couples, which has more to do with their socialization as women than with their lesbianism.Women are socialized to avoid, smooth over, and deny conflict. Until relatively recently, women have been taught that sexual desire and sex itself were more important to men than to women. Regardless of your sexual orientation, if any aspect of your sex life provokes anxiety or appears to have the potential to cause conflict, your first inclination may be to circumvent the problem by avoiding sex, suppressing sexual urges that you have consciously or subconsciously labeled dangerous because they might lead to humiliation or conflict. Logically, if both partners in a relationship, being women, have been “trained” to take this approach, sexual avoidance and ISD are more likely to occur.Because traumatic past sexual experiences are twice as common in women as in men, they are more often a major barrier to sexual adjustment in women. As mentioned earlier, one in four adult women experienced sexual abuse during childhood and too many others have been raped, have encountered sexual harassment at work, or have had anxiety-provoking early sexual experiences. Thus, when two women embark upon an intimate relationship, one or sometimes both partners may bring this sort of unfinished business with them.Then there is the fact that you, like many other women, may have learned only one reason to be sexual—to achieve intimacy. The romance and excitement of a newly developing relationship may activate or spark your sexual desire. However, after this initial stage, your basic intimacy needs may be met by the increased closeness or emotional sharing of the longer-term relationship. Thus, sex drive and sexual activity in general may decrease as your intimacy needs are being met through the overall relationship, rather than through sex alone.*133\261\8*

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