ALCOHOL: MORE ABOUT SECONDARY PROCESSES

His sadness is a secondary process; ‘someone’ says he is sad. His primary process is to be sociable and nice, to the newcomer in the room, for example. When the social worker enters, he immediately pushes away his sadness.

In addition, Herr G. said that in the past he had fought with Ron. Fighting is a secondary process he cannot stand up for in the present. He only half-heartedly resists Ron. This is in no way an unusual case, however. Most of us are shy about being direct and confronting others. Many of us split off these feelings and therefore experience ourselves as being unrecognized by others. This is the case with Herr G.

Herr G.: I know the reason for her death. She ruined herself slowly. Knowing this makes me unhappy . . . and [pointing his finger at Ron] . . . Ron . . . you are guilty for her death . . . why did she do it. . . why? You are guilty . . . she did not know what do . . . she loved me a lot . . . [breaks down again]. /

Ron (soothingly and philosophically): Herr G., sadness is a noble feeling, but you do not understand things properly. You did not cause your wife’s death.

Herr G (angrily): Ron, you cannot take my sadness from me!

Herr G. is correct in thinking that Ron is taking his feeling away and replacing it with understanding. But then Ron is not the only one guilty of this, for Herr G. himself dropped his feelings just a moment before when the social worker came in. Herr G. has an internal program called alcohol which invites him and others to drop the feelings they have.

Herr G.: You cannot take my sadness from me . . . but what’s the difference. She needed me and she died.

Herr G. cries now, covering his face with both hands. I put my hand on his knee in a gesture of sympathy, waiting while he cries. He puts his hand over mine and then suddenly picks up my hand and moves it away.

Amy: What feeling is being taken from you, Herr G.? Herr G.: Feeling . . . feeling becomes weak and shallow … I am only a human being . . .

*116\227\8*

ALCOHOL: MORE ABOUT SECONDARY PROCESSESHis sadness is a secondary process; ‘someone’ says he is sad. His primary process is to be sociable and nice, to the newcomer in the room, for example. When the social worker enters, he immediately pushes away his sadness.In addition, Herr G. said that in the past he had fought with Ron. Fighting is a secondary process he cannot stand up for in the present. He only half-heartedly resists Ron. This is in no way an unusual case, however. Most of us are shy about being direct and confronting others. Many of us split off these feelings and therefore experience ourselves as being unrecognized by others. This is the case with Herr G.Herr G.: I know the reason for her death. She ruined herself slowly. Knowing this makes me unhappy . . . and [pointing his finger at Ron] . . . Ron . . . you are guilty for her death . . . why did she do it. . . why? You are guilty . . . she did not know what do . . . she loved me a lot . . . [breaks down again]. /Ron (soothingly and philosophically): Herr G., sadness is a noble feeling, but you do not understand things properly. You did not cause your wife’s death.Herr G (angrily): Ron, you cannot take my sadness from me!Herr G. is correct in thinking that Ron is taking his feeling away and replacing it with understanding. But then Ron is not the only one guilty of this, for Herr G. himself dropped his feelings just a moment before when the social worker came in. Herr G. has an internal program called alcohol which invites him and others to drop the feelings they have.Herr G.: You cannot take my sadness from me . . . but what’s the difference. She needed me and she died.Herr G. cries now, covering his face with both hands. I put my hand on his knee in a gesture of sympathy, waiting while he cries. He puts his hand over mine and then suddenly picks up my hand and moves it away.Amy: What feeling is being taken from you, Herr G.? Herr G.: Feeling . . . feeling becomes weak and shallow … I am only a human being . . .*116\227\8*

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